Gavin Newsom’s Bro Ambition
He can’t help it. He was bro’ed this way.
It was a nice day. I do remember that. But because it was San Francisco, I have no idea if it was July, November, or March. Any of those days could be a “nice” day in the Bay. I was walking down 4th Street in downtown San Francisco, between Market Street and Mission Street. For those of you who don’t know, Market is the main street of downtown SF. It is basically the “Broadway” of San Francisco. This was the early 2000’s, so I was most likely headed to the Metreon movie theater, the new—at the time—megaplex movie theater. And then I saw HIM!
My memory is that he was wearing a flowing, all-white suit. (Although maybe it was cream colored.) He was walking down the same street I was, about 25 yards in front of me. He was on his phone. His vibe was I don’t have a care in the world, which was weird considering who he was. He was also alone, which seemed notable. Two young Latina women saw him and clearly recognized him right away. They even got a little giddy when they realized it was him. He seemed more than happy to be recognized—tossing an easy smile their way—but he kept it moving. It was a hint more flirtatious than you might expect from a man in his position, but maybe my own personal hindsight is coloring it that way. I remember thinking that he came off more like a successful Miami drug dealer business tycoon than what he actually was, the mayor San Francisco.
That man was Gavin Newsom.
A memory hole is the concept that sometimes things that you experience or witness will occasionally get buried in your mind in a place where they are basically “forgotten,” until something digs them back out again. These are not necessarily traumatic experiences. Sometimes they are things that your mind probably deems as not important enough for you to remember. It can also be that the memory is so different from the current reality that your mind throws it away as meaningless. I have recently discovered that the marriage of Gavin Newsom and Kimberly Guilfoyle is one of those things that many people have tossed into a memory hole. Not me, though. I remember that shit like it was yesterday. Mostly because of the then-infamous picture of Gav and Kimmy sprawled out on a (I’m assuming) fancy rug in a billionaire's house. It was for a 2004 Harper’s Bazaar article that was entitled “The New Kennedys.” I remember at the time thinking, “Were the Kennedys really this tacky?” This was before we knew that there were Kennedys like the roadkill chewin’, vaccine eschewin’, conspiracy brewin’ RFK Jr. coming down the Mass. Pike.
Suffice to say that this image of Gavin Newsom has always colored my view of him. How do you get talked into that photo and want to be taken seriously as a leader? It was clearly supposed to look expensive and cause envy in the reader, but it looked reality-show-cheap and gave off the ick. When Gav and Kimmy divorced shortly after, Kimberly decided to quickly get re-married to Fox News. That colored my view of Gavin even more. Obviously, you can’t totally judge someone based on who they were romantically involved with, but then there is also the fact that you can totally judge someone based on who they were romantically involved with. Try it. It’s fun!
As Kimberly revealed herself to be full-on MAGA, even going so far as to couple-up with Mr. Creaky Jaw himself, Don Jr., it helped me to understand some of Gavin’s more questionable and quixotic moves in and around his political career.
Here’s a short list of greatest misses.
August 2007 - Gavin apologizes to the press for having had an affair in 2005. To make matters worse/messier the affair was with his good friend’s wife. To make matters even worse-er and messier-er, the friend was also his chief of staff. Obviously, once the husband found out, he resigned from being Gavin’s chief of staff. And I’m guessing he also resigned from being Gavin’s friend. I’ll never understand how a bro like Gavin does not know that having sex with your bro’s wife is an extreme violation of bro code.
November 2020 - Gavin apologizes after he is caught on camera having dinner with a large group of people at a fancy, dancy restaurant in Napa Valley. This is when COVID was really COVID-ing, and Gavin had the rest of us Californians on strict lockdown. Needless to say, even though this was indoors, there was not a mask to be seen among the group of high-ranking and hypocritical politicos. And the crowd had totally given up with social distancing, unless of course they had confused being six feet apart with being six inches apart.
November 2023 - Gavin should have apologized for debating Ron Desantis when there was absolutely no reason to do it. Ron Desanctimonious had already dropped out of the 2024 GOP race for the presidency. Gavin had never been in the race, so what the focus-group was this all about?
It was about Gavin’s naked ambition for the presidency. It was about the fact that Joe Biden had called himself a “bridge” president to the future leaders of the party, and then Joe got stuck on that bridge. Joe liked the view from the bridge. Gavin absolutely saw himself as the next president on the other side of that bridge. (I’m sure he had no fear of Kamala Harris.) But Joe’s decision to run again obviously gave Gavin a case of blue ballots. So Gavin decided to “debate” Ron Desadlittleman in the same way that Jake Paul and Mike Tyson “boxed” on Netflix. Both events were a waste of time, resources, and pancake makeup.
Of course, this is made complicated by the fact that Gavin is also the same guy who broke the seal on marriage equality in 2004 when he was the mayor of San Francisco. He just decided one day that same sex marriage was legal in San Francisco. Gavin has also been, at times, a great foil to Trump. You know Trump has to hate a guy who is so, so, sooooo much more handsome than him. I also can imagine it doesn't feel quite right that Gavin used to date Trump’s son’s current girlfriend.
Also, Gavin has stood up for reproductive rights and the LGBTQ+ community, buuuuuut he has also been awful to the unhoused community. Much of Gavin’s governance has been head-scratchingly paradoxical. In 2023 Gavin simultaneously approved a bill to work on universal healthcare for all Californians and rejected a bill capping insulin costs at $35 a month. He has also done some great things for criminal justice reform. I met several men who were incarcerated for life when we filmed United Shades of America at the San Quentin prison. But Gavin changed California’s approach to sentencing and many of those men who had been over-sentenced are now free, including my friend Rahsaan Thomas.
When you add it all up, though, the sum total is that Gavin Newsom is mostly a normie democrat who sometimes dons a progressive’s high-end clothing. But it looks like Gavin believes that he’s gotten too big for his progressive britches.
Last week, when I first saw that Gavin Newsom had a podcast, my immediate thought was, “WHY THE FUCK DOES GAVIN NEWSOM HAVE A PODCAST? DIDN’T SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA JUST BURN TO THE GROUND?” The podcast has the embarrassingly first-draft title of This is Gavin Newsom, as if Gavin is some sort of shrinking violet who we have never met before. As if Gavin is camera shy. As if Gavin isn’t clearly the kind of person who fixes his hair before he looks in the mirror. Look, I'm not saying that politicians shouldn’t have hobbies, but a podcast??? Duuuuuuuuude. There are better and more productive ways in the second Trump era to spend your time than a podcast.
And then the second clown shoe dropped. Gavin’s first guest on his was Charlie Kirk.
Heavy, tired, exasperated sigh.
For those lucky ones among you who don’t know him, Charlie Kirk is the poor man’s Ben Shapiro. For those of you who don’t know Ben Shapiro, Ben Shapiro is the poor man’s Tucker Carlson. Tucker Carlson is the poor man’s Bill O’Reilly. Bill O’Reilly is the poor man’s Rush Limbaugh. And Rush Limbaugh was Satan. So Charlie Kirk is Satan the Fifth. And Gavin Newsom decided to have him on as his FIRST guest. According to the reviews, they got along shamefully famously.
Most notably, self-proclaimed LGBTQ+ advocate Gavin Newsom agreed with Charlie Kirk on the most false of fallacies, the most basic of the bullshittery, the most gutless of the grifts. They agreed that these transfolks are ruining children’s sports.
Apparently, Gavin has pulled his finger out of his vichyssoise and, after complaining that it was cold, Gavin then put that dripping finger up in the air and determined that the political winds were blowing to the right. Unbelievably, Gavin decided this after President Tesla Dealer:
made wildfire aid contingent on California passing racist voter ID laws.
confused tariffs with fines (sending the stock market into a death spiral)
and, most frighteningly, has literally disappeared Columbia University Graduate student Mahmoud Khalil for the “crime” of speeching freely.
If there was ever a time for Gavin Newsom to strap on his progressive bonafides and lean left, the time is now. Actually the time was November 8, 2024 when President Dim-ocracy won. And before you think I’m being too hard on Gavin, I have two pieces of evidence that prove I am not being hard at all. The latest guest on Gavin Newsom’s podcast is Steve “The Shy Nazi” Bannon. (Read more of my Steve Bannon thoughts here.) The second piece of damning evidence that Gavin isn’t built for this moment is something I found out while writing this. HE HAS ANOTHER PODCAST! THE GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA HAS TWO PODCASTS!!! The second one is cohosted by Marshawn Lynch and some other guy whose name I’m not bothering to look up. I certainly understand wanting to hangout with Marshawn Lynch, but, again, Gavin, YOU ARE THE GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA. YOU SHOULD BE TOO BUSY TO HOST TWO PODCASTS.
If ever there was a time for California to have truly progressive leadership it is right now.
If ever there was a time for someone to govern in direct opposition to President Whatever You Say, Elon it is right now.
If ever there was a time when we needed a governor with only one podcast it is right now. (Honestly, I’d like a governor with zero podcasts, but I get that is probably too much to hope for.)
If ever there was a time when we needed a governor to spend less time talking to the people pitching the upsides of fascism and more time helping Senator Chuck Schumer locate his spine so Chuck can stand up to President Constitution Schmonstitution instead of being the president’s human throw rug, IT’S NOOOOOOOOOOOW!
It is times like these when I wonder where people’s politics actually come from. I also wonder how much of a person’s political agenda is motivated by exterior factors. Like would Gavin Newsom be as “progressive” as he currently is if he was born in Laramie, Wyoming in 1967 instead of San Francisco? Is it possible that much of Gavin’s motivation to declare same sex marriage legal was borne from wanting to make a name for himself? Is it possible that the Mayor-of-Laramie version of Gavin would have declared same sex marriage an abomination, because that is how he would have distinguished himself there? With all of Gavin’s differing policy positions and confounding life choices, it can be tempting to wonder who the real Giavin Newsom is. But honestly, I think all of this is exactly who he is. That’s why we can’t look to him to get us through this moment. Again, we now live in a country that is comfortable openly and proudly disappearing people without even inventing a Trump-ed up charge, and yet depressingly, this is the moment that “progressive Gavin Newsom” also goes POOF!
You’re With Me
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New Book Alert
I have an essay in a new book, Who Is Government?: The Untold Story of Public Service. It comes out on Tuesday, March 18th. Pre-order your copy, or grab and friend and go to your favorite local bookstore on Tuesday.
If you missed the documentary short that I made to accompany the essay, check it out here.
The Who’s With Me? Tour Rolls On
This weekend I’m in San Diego. Tickets are still available for a few of the shows.
Also, we have added some NEW DATES.
April 8 - 13 - Berkeley, CA at The Berkeley Rep
July 11 - Charleston, SC at Charleston Music Hall
July 12 - Durham, NC at The Carolina Theatre of Durham
What Can I Doooooo?
Yes, things are overwhelming right now. Here are two simple things you can do.
First, watch this video and do what Elizabeth Booker Houston says.
Second, listen to this episode of the At Liberty podcast and share it with someone you care about!
This week, on At Liberty, I was joined by advocates Zoe Brennan-Krohn and Nicole Jorwic to discuss the current state of disability rights in the US, how we got here, and what a just, equitable system could look like—both for individuals needing care and their caregivers.
Okay, here’s a third bonus thing, just to make you happy. This interview was awesome and fun.
March Office Hours: Let’s Talk About Parenting with Anna Sale
Thanks to everyone who came to our February Office Hours with special guest Kahlil Greene! We have a real treat in store for March. On Thursday, March 20th from 1pm - 2pm PT/4pm - 5pm ET I’ll be joined by my friend and the host of Death, Sex & Money, Anna Sale. (Anna also has a great Substack newsletter called From Somewhere.) Together we’ll try to figure out how, exactly, to parent kids and teens during this particular moment in history. No big deal. I’m sure we’ll get it done in an hour.
This month we’re trying something new! Office Hours will take place here, on the Substack platform, instead of on Zoom. We’re using Substack’s relatively new live video feature. Hopefully it will feel easier!
Here’s how it works. We’ll email all of my paid subscribers in the morning on 3/20 to remind you, and you’ll get a notification from Substack once Anna and I go live. When you open the Substack app, look in the upper left hand corner. You’ll see our faces and a little red LIVE rectangle. Click on our faces to join. Once you’re in, you can type questions and comments in the chat.
My paid subscribers and Anna Sale’s paid subscribers can participate in the Office Hours live stream on your computer via the Substack website or on your phone via the Substack app. If you don’t already have the app, click here to download it:
Gavin seems a bit like an old timey used car salesman. He gives off more ‘ick’ every day. And that was before I read this essay.
Good article but you missed a few important points:
1. He blows with the prevailing wind…that’s not leadership.
2. Diane & Nancy told him to grow-up…so he married.
3. He was given Lt. Governor role to allow time for us to forget.
4. At least 2 attempts at recall.
5. He wanted SF to look like a “glass city” (ie. Vancouver) and ruined the SF skyline. He told me once that SOMA was overbuilt. And true enough…it is! Jerk!
6. Stonewalled the 49ers new stadium…that’s why they’re in Santa Clara.
So…more that a “bro-frat boy”…just another entitled politician! 🤷🏼♂️