It Is So Easy To Not Do This
Please forward this to Nate Bargatze, Alexis Ohanian, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and so many other “nice” white guys.
The rules are so simple. People seem to forget them so often, so I’ve decided to write them out. Hopefully, this stops the madness. Recently, some people who want us to think of them as “nice” and “good” have acted “surprised” when the public has been surprised to see evidence of these “nice” and “good” people willingly associating with proud fascists.
Here are the 10 rules.
Don’t be in a photo with fascists.
The easiest way to not be photographed with fascists is to not go to places where fascists coagulate.
If you do go to a place where fascists are coagulating, then you had better have a good reason… like a John Brown/Inglorious Basterds good reason.
Nate Bargatze with Joe Rogan and Sarah Huckabee Sanders at the White House cage fights. A photo with Rogan, I can forgive, but I wouldn’t be in a photo with that lady unless… actually, I can’t think of an “unless”. If you don’t have a good reason to be hanging out with fascists, then congratulations! You are now a member of Team Fascism.
No one cares how much you wanted to see the fights at the White House. The White House is currently registered as the home of a fascist. The only reason Donald Trump loves the UFC is because UFC C.E.O. Dana White runs the UFC just like Trump wants to run the country, like a dictatorship.
Trump is as captivated by the UFC as he is by his cabinet meetings. Trump was quoted as saying, “Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.” (Photo by Chris Unger/Zuffa) If you don’t want to be a member of Team Fascism, then after we see you with fascists, it is up to you to actively and immediately begin digging yourself out of the fascism hole and working your way back to the correct side of history. For the record, a statement from your rep or a social media post–or really anything short of immediate real world action doesn’t count.
If you don’t want to do the work required to dig yourself out the fascism hole, CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE NOW A MEMBER OF TEAM FASCISM!
This is an Instagram post from actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I don’t think that the beginning of his excuse talked with the end of his excuse. More like Joseph Gordon-Leave it! Amirite? Never be anywhere Peter Thiel is or could reasonably walk in the room and be welcomed with open arms. If you need to pee and you are standing outside of Peter Thiel’s house, just wet yourself. We will all understand. This is also applicable to anyone associated with Palantir or anyone who ever went to dinner with Trump and wasn’t ashamed to tell us. It is fine to pee all over yourself but never Bill Maher all over yourself.
This is Mr. Serena Williams. When your excuse for attending a gathering of fascists includes “I own 5 pro sports teams” you are on shaky ground. Stop being surprised when people who think you are a nice person are totally bummed out when you reveal yourself to be Team Fascism. You are smarter than that. If you’re not, then go back to the top and reread this list again.
Look, I get it. I have been in some pictures with people I regret. The difference is I REGRET BEING IN THOSE PICTURES. I don’t act like you’re weird for thinking it is weird that I was in those pictures. I ALSO DON’T ACCEPT INVITATIONS FROM FASCISTS!
Thank you for your time. Feel free to forward these rules to anyone who is confused when they are judged for their own actions.
WHO’S WITH ME?
Another New Stand-up Comedy Date Added
Last week, I added Stanford University on October 1st, 2026. Those tickets are on sale now. This week, I am announcing a show in Bellingham, WA at the Mount Baker Theater on November 13th, 2026 at 7:30pm. Tickets go on sale on June 29th at 10am PST, if you use the code WKB.
Did you know that I open each one of my podcasts with a monologue?
And did you know that you can watch them on the Who’s With Me? (the podcast) Youtube channel? Well, here’s one below. It is related to today’s piece. New episode of Who’s With Me? (the podcast) drops this Wednesday.
My friend and stand-up comedy mentor Greg Proops has new stand-up album out.
Greg is a Bay Area comic through and through. He snobby, erudite, pointedly political, bawdy, and a good time. When I was coming up, Greg was one of my examples of how a comedian could age like a fine wine. He was always the adult in any room he was in, and he was usually the funniest person in any room he was in. The only reason that I say “usually” is because Greg has always hung out with the funniest people.
Listen to Greg’s new album Kidding, But Still wherever you listen to stuff that you listen to.
Yes, these are extraordinary times. Members of team fascist should be named and shamed. Those are not easy words for me to say, but the truth of our present reality is stark and naked
So simple yet so hard for people to understand.