F*ck: A Love Story
How do we get through this all this f*cking f*cked f*ck?
In the 2004 documentary Some Kind of Monster, the story of heavy metal band Metallica’s rise and near fall, there is an infamous scene featuring drummer Lars Ulrich screaming “FUCK!” in lead singer and guitarist James Hetfield’s face. (Honestly though, there are many infamous scenes in this documentary. The whole doc feels like “What if Spinal Tap was real?” And I say that with all due respect both for the fake band Spinal Tap and the real band Metallica.) But in the scene I’m referencing, the band is once again confronting the two choices before them.
The band breaks up, and the individual members deal with the inevitable pain that comes with a break-up.
The band stays together… and the collective deals with the inevitable pain that comes with that.
Founding band members, James and Lars, have clearly grown weary of each other. That weariness is completely understandable because the two have known each other since they were teenagers. But because of that fact, the two also don’t know how to be apart from each other. Their greatest successes have come with each other and because of each other. Their band has lasted longer than James’s and Lars’s multiple marriages and it has weathered the changing mainstream musical tastes.
The scene where Lars yells “FUCK!” at James comes about halfway through the film. At this point James has returned from rehab, and the band needs to finish their way overdue album. This album is following a period of time when the band was not beloved by critics or diehard fans. At this point, the feeling around Metallica is that the next move could make them hasbeens, but if the album is good, it could revitalize their career and kick them into that level of forever bands – bands that sell out arena shows whether they ever sell another album or not. Think of rock bands like The Rolling Stones, U2, Foo Fighters and… The Rolling Stones. Right before Lars’s fuck-splosion, the band, their producer, and the band’s $40,000 a month therapist (YUP!) sat around a conference table. James brought up that he doesn’t like that the team continues working on the album when he leaves every day at 4pm. His early departure is a part of James maintaining his sobriety. The problem is that James wants all the work to stop when he leaves, whereas Lars is fine if James goes home, but he feels like he should be allowed to continue working on the album. If I’ve made it sound like a mature and reasonable discussion, don’t get it twisted. It was not.
The scene crescendos in Lars saying that when he thinks about the band and James and all the current problems one word repeats in his mind. That word is “fuck.” Throughout the diatribe, Lars repeats the word in various tenors, tones, and volumes until he finally leans aggressively towards James. Inches from James’s face, Lars loudly and angrily screams, “FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!”
In the ultimate power move, James doesn’t budge or even change his blank facial expression.
I’ve been thinking about that scene a lot lately. But I have recast it in my mind. Now in that scene, I am Lars. James is played by the United States of America.
“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!”
And to be absolutely clear in my new scene, James isn’t representative of the GOP, or The DNC, or President Joe Biden, or even the modern day Neo from The Matrix himself, Donald Trump. James is the entire hairy ball of wax known as the United States of America. That’s how I feel when I think about this country right now. FUCK!
Remember back to a simpler time called three weeks ago? Way back then the main focus of political discussion was, Is Joe Biden too old to be the president? And then many people answered that with another question. Isn’t Donald Trump too big a threat to the entire world to take a chance on anybody other than the guy who beat him the last time? And then some real nerds threw in the question of, How exactly would we find a new candidate so quickly before the election when the constitution doesn’t have a way to do that? And then some Black folks came with the question, DON’T THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT YOU ARE GOING TO SKIP OVER KAMALA HARRIS FOR SOME WHITE MAN OR WHITE LADY IF JOE BIDEN DROPS OUT!
Okay, that last one wasn’t really a question.
While all those questions were floating around in the social media and mainstream media landscape, I had some questions that I didn’t hear often enough.
Isn’t it totally reasonable that an 81 year old man is not a mentally and physically sharp as he used to be? And how come we feel totally fine saying that someone is too young for something, but then somehow it is the highest level of disrespect to say that someone is too old for something?
And every time I tried to have those nuanced conversations in public, the blowback was immediate and exhausting, which led me to a new conclusion.
FUCK.
And then this past Saturday, while I was out and about with my family, I received a news alert on my phone. Apparently, some 20 year old white guy somehow and some way managed to climb onto a roof in full view of several people, and he attempted to assassinate Donald Trump, killing rally attendee Corey Comperatore and seriously injuring two others. The shooter, Thomas Matthew Crooks, was killed by law enforcement. While I was still reeling from the news, a photo from the event was already going viral.
FUCK!
This dude, Donald Trump, is now some sort of warrior from Greek mythology that has come to life for his audience. Meanwhile, President Joe Biden has defenders who don’t want to acknowledge that their favorite guy said “battle box” twice when he meant “ballot box,” and he told an audience of Black folks at an NAACP event that he was going to make sure that our rents couldn’t be raised more than $55 when his teleprompter read 5%. The crowd applauded rapturously, hoping that would make his flub legally binding.
FUCK!
Oh, and then Joe Biden got COVID again.* And even Nancy Pelosi, who is three years older than Biden, has decided that Joe is no longer up to the challenge of running for president.
FUCK. 😬
And then last night, the final night of The Republican National Convention, Donald Trump gave the longest acceptance speech in the history of modern presidential acceptance speeches. And it was so rambling and incoherent that it felt like someone told him, “If you don’t speak for at least 90 minutes, then I am going to take the one thing that you love the most from you…your inflated sense of self-worth.”
Trump: “NOOOOOOOO! Please take Melania. Take any of my children except for Barron. Take my pick for vice president, J. P. Mandel. I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT MY INFLATED SENSE OF SELF-WORTH!!!”
This speech happened after a Republican National Convention where the evangelical Christian base of the party went full, foaming racist when they realized that J.D. Vance’s wife was Indian American, and when former chair of the California Republican party Harmeet Dhillion, in praising Trump, put on a headscarf and said a prayer for Trump. Why would evangelical Christians have a problem with prayer?, you ask. Well, it was because Dhillion, who is also Indian-American, d8id a prayer from her religion, the Sikh religion, and it was in Punjabi and not English.**
SUPER FUCK!
Meanwhile the United States of America is working legally and culturally to become more anti-woman, more anti-Black, more anti-(Brown)-immigrant, more anti-trans, more anti-LGBTQ+, more anti-intellectual, anti-poor folks, anti-disability, and – possibly most frustratingly – anti-kindness.
You know the word. Say it with me.
So what do we do? People ask me all the time.
A few weeks ago, before all this recent news, even before the debate, I was at a pool with my family, trying to enjoy some of this summer of anxiety. As we were leaving, a man stopped me. He asked, “Are you Kamau Bell?”
Me: “Yes.”
Him: “Do you have a minute? I want to talk to you about something.”
Me, looking over at my family who is getting smaller in the distance: “Ummm… My family is leaving so I don’t really have…”
Him: “Is everything going to be okay in the fall?”
Me, laughing to myself: “No.”
Him: “So what do we do? Do we just hope that people are wrong about Trump?”
At this point, I assumed he meant people on the left when he said people. I looked at him, determined he was younger than me, and assumed that maybe he wasn't the kind of person who followed politics too closely. Always remember that most people don't follow politics closely or at all. I responded while images of Project 2025 ran through my head.
Me, laughing again: “No. People are not wrong about Trump.”
Him: “So what do we do?”
I sigh in college dropout and look over as my family disappears on the horizon.
I asked him where he lives. He told me. I told him to look into local causes and see how he can help out in his local community. I said it could be his money. It could be free time. It could be his expertise. It could be the box of old clothes in his garage that someone else in his community needs more than him. It could be his candidacy for local office. It could be a lot of things. But the important thing is that he stops hyperfocusing on the national election and starts to hyperfocus on his community. There is little most of us can do about Trump and/or Biden. But we can do a lot about our neighborhood. To paraphrase the old bumper sticker. Stop thinking national. Start acting local. A big part of “acting local” is also educating yourself about your community’s upcoming elections, checking your registration status (or registering), figuring out where and how you can vote, and then, on November 5, 2024, - VOTING!***
Last night, while Trump was in full diatribe, I was out and about at the Oakland bar, Night Heron. I was out for an event for Cinemama and the East Bay Film Collective. Local Bay Area filmmakers were celebrating the Oakland government passing our incentives package for filmmakers. We were celebrating the work of many activists, filmmakers, and community members, but we were also schmoozing and scheming to make sure that we can build Oakland's future in a way that centers the people of Oakland. It was glorious, inspiring, and a little overwhelming.
Is that the solution to all of America’s problems?
Fuck if I know.****
* Just a friendly reminder to get your current COVID vaccine if you haven't gotten it yet, and feel free to mask up. COVID is clearly settling all of its accounts and coming back for people it missed the first few times.
** To learn more about the Sikh religion, check out season 3, episode 2 of United Shades of America streaming on MAX.
*** Also vote in all your local elections.
**** The album that Metallica was working on, St. Anger, eventually came out, and it was nearly universally thought to be their worst album, by critics, their fans, and even the band themselves. (I like it though.) The documentary however was a hit. And today Metallica is definitely a forever band. Check out this awesome video for more on the story of the album.
You’re With Me
Some updates before you go:
July Office Hours: Summer Vacation
I’m out on assignment in Washington, D.C. (more on that soon!) and doing some dad-ing this month. We’ll be back for office hours in August. Stay turned for the details.
Let’s Get After These Crowdfunding Campaigns
Fighting Giants
I want to share something deeply personal to Oluwaseun Babalola, a producer who was an important part of United Shades of America. Her upcoming film, Fighting Giants, follows a mother and daughter's journey to find their missing loved one and calls attention to the dismissed and ignored stories of Black women gone missing around the world-- including Oluwaseun’s own sister. By supporting her crowdfunding campaign, you're helping to fund a film and amplify similar stories and the injustice surrounding it.
She’s raised 66% of her goal and she has 21 days left to secure the remaining funds. Let’s get her across the finish line!
Oluwaseun Babalola is a DOC NYC 40 under 40 Honoree, award-winning director, Emmy-nominated producer, exhibited photographer, and nonprofit executive director. Her passion for storytelling led to the creation of Kosinima, Inc., a nonprofit that provides grant funding and career opportunities for African and African diaspora media professionals. Learn more about her here.
A DonorsChoose Project
What’s kindergarten without crayons?! Mrs. Rede - a teacher I actually know in real life - is raising money to get the kindergarteners in her Title I school new crayons that are sturdier and more developmentally appropriate than your standard Crayolas. YOU DON’T WANT TO DENY KIDS CRAYONS, DO YA? Let’s make sure her supply is restocked before the new class of kindergarteners show up for school.
WOW! You all already funded Ms. Rede’s project!!! 🥲 As I said, I know her in real life, so I can let you know what she says when I talk to her next. THANK YOU!
Fuck