The Cruelty is the Point
Trump wants to see he enemies and his acolytes suffer equally.
In the early years of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg used a perfectly Zuckerbergian motto. Because of the success of Facebook, the motto was adopted all over Silicon Valley. The depressingly misanthropic motto is “Move fast and break stuff.” At some point Mark Zuckerberg claimed to have changed the Facebook motto to “Move fast with stable infrastructure.” Meh. You’ll notice that even with the change of motto, there is nothing in there about Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook making the world a better place. That would cut into their profit margin.
It’s clear that President Know Nothing has not only adopted Mark Zuckerberg’s original motto, but he has also adopted Mark Zuckerberg (and his billions). The torrent of news is a reflection of this motto. The motto is now a mandate. You can see it in the pace of the news coming out of the White House. Checking into the news these days feels a little bit like putting your head down to take a drink out of a water fountain and, instead of getting a slight trickle of H2O, you realize that the water fountain has become a firehose. By then it is too late. The force of the firehose is so great that you can’t get it out of your mouth, and you end up getting tossed around the hydrant until you pass out and wake up covered in DOGE.
All of this is designed to make us crazy. They are breaking things for no reason at all, except to piss us all off. The worst part is that Trump doesn't even care if he hurts his own cultists.
Whenever you look at lists of the poorest states in our country (or the states with the worst economies or the states with the worst education systems) those lists are always dominated by red states. I take no pleasure in writing that. As I have talked about often, my dad lives in Alabama. I have a ton of family there, and Alabama is always on those lists. Alabama is also (unsurprisingly) a Trump stronghold. It makes sense because, while Alabama didn’t invent racism, the leaders of the state have worked hard throughout Alabama’s history to perfect racism. Of course it burns Mississippi up that Alabama thinks it’s the best in racism. Mississippi takes it personally, as Mississippi is the Michael Jordan to Alabama’s LeBron James.
“You’re not gonna out racism me, Alabama! I get in more racism before 9am than you do all day!” - Mississippi
The South, home of the reddest of the red states, also has the highest rate of people living with disabilities. That makes sense when you think about how poverty and health outcomes are related.
Yesterday, Trump did the most glaringly awful thing of all, even more glaring than that time he stared directly into the eclipse.
Yesterday, President Empty Suit signed an executive order to get rid of the Department of Education. At any other point in American history this might just be seen as a confused and doddering president performing a gesture as empty as his suit, because getting rid of the Department of Education is not within a president’s powers. That is under Congress’ purview. But we all know that most of Congress spends its days perview-ing the ground and jamming its fingers in its ears in order to keep out the screams and insults of their constituents. In order to commit an act of Congress, you first have to be willing to act. Doing stuff is not Congress’ strong suit.
But these days we know that most of our so-called leaders prefer pretending to punch the air in anger than actually punching an actual target. Chuck Schumer is so cowed that he even “postponed” his new book tour. Did you ever think you would see a day when a member of Congress would be too afraid to make money? THE HORROR!
Disgustingly, Trump staged this anti-American stunt surrounded by genuinely smiling students. Even more disgustingly, he asked a couple of the students if he should sign the executive order before he signed it. Of course, they said yes, because what the fuck else would they say? They were probably afraid that if they said no, they’d immediately be booked on a flight to El Salvador with all the Venezuelans that Trump illegally deported. The only teeny, tiny upside is that maybe this means that Secretary of Education Linda McMahon is out of a job. McMahon, ex-CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, is without a doubt the least qualified head of the Department of Education in its 45-year existence. The only thing she is qualified to educate us about is how to effectively take a piledriver. Also she could educate us all about how to look the other way while your husband is a known and notorious sexpest.
“It sounds strange, doesn’t it? Department of Education. We’re going to eliminate it.” -- A thing a president of the United States of America said yesterday
The most frustrating thing about Trump signing an executive order is that I am 100% sure that if you challenged him to explain the purpose and function of the department that he would not be able to do it. You can imagine the fumfering now.
“The Department of Education… has done many, many evil things. Everybody says that. I have the best people on it… And they are saying many, many things about the department. You wouldn’t believe the things I’m hearing about what they’ve done… Evil, evil, eviiiiiiil things.”
Whatever you say, President French Fry Fingers.
Honestly, I just think Trump and his kind hate the idea of anything that dares to educate people. And they especially hate it when that education comes with a dose of Blackness, Indigeneity, any parts of the diaspora of the Global South, the Asian diaspora, women, and especially the LGBTQ+ community. Just this week, the Department of Defense deleted the webpages that featured the military accomplishments of people who weren’t white men. This rampage included the webpage celebrating the Navajo Code Talkers and how they were essential to the Allies’ victory in World War II. Unbelievably to me, the DoD also scrubbed the entry that featured Hall of Fame Baseball player Jackie Robinson and his military record. That means it is officially official! There is no more evidence needed to prove that President Shortsighted and his crew are racist.
Maybe no Black man in American history did more to prove that Black people could be acceptable to white people – while also giving up none of his soul – than Jackie Robinson. There was a time when white Americans couldn’t imagine Black people playing baseball alongside white people. And now if you subtracted Black people from baseball, Babe Ruth would still be near the top of the record books.
Although, to be fair, Babe Ruth was an orphan, and a lot of Black folks think he might have been Black, too.
Just a few days before these pages were deleted, the DoD deleted the page of Major General Charles Calvin Rogers, the highest ranking Black man to ever be awarded the Medal of Honor. After an outcry, all three of these pages have been restored. But don’t celebrate;, thousands of government webpages celebrating diversity are still gone. And our nation is collectively worse off for it. Trump is trying to drag us all down to his level.
Trump is every pod-bro rolled into one.
Trump is the sum total of Joe Rogan + Andrew Schultz + The Tate Brothers + The Paul Brothers + Patrick Bet-David + Theo Von + The Golden Hour Podcast + The Fighter and The Kid Podcast (which means you get twice the Brendan Schaub) + Ben Shapiro + Michael Knowles + Charlie Kirk + Matt Walsh + Tim Pool + the Dilbert Guy + Adin Ross + Steven Crowder + Tony Hinchcliffe + some podcasting asshat who I’m forgetting.
If that list of names means nothing to you, consider yourself lucky, but just know that it compromises several credible charges of sexual assault, several scammers (crypto, meme coins, and MLMs), transphobes, chauvinists, white supremacists, and dorks. The one thing they all have in common is that they run excitedly and headlong in the direction of any idea that is super stupid.
And Trump is their avatar. He’s their Voltron. He’s what happens if you put them all in a blender with some ice. But not too much ice, because you want it thick.
Make no mistake, millions of school children will suffer if the Department of Education is dismantled, and millions of those children's parents voted for Trump. Apparently, even some of the school children’s teachers did, too.
Most of the Department of Education’s work is not deciding what America’s children are taught. Actually, zero percent of their work is that. Their most important work is making sure that poor schools get more money and resources. A huge part of that work is making sure that schools are accessible for all students. And while yes, many of the schools that need the Department of Education’s funds and support are inner- city, predominantly Black and Brown schools, a huge number of those schools are in rural areas serving mostly white students. These are students whose Trump-voting parents bought the lie that President Grabby Hands was only going after woke-Americans, communist-Americans, and criminal-Americans. In reality he is going after every American who couldn’t pass the test to get into his country club. One day soon there will be numbers stacking up fast and furiously, like during the heights of the pandemic, that will prove how many Americans’ lives have been destroyed by this administration. A giant portion of those will be Trump voters.
This is where I ask a favor of you. While it is easy to ridicule a Trump voter who made their own bed of lies, instead of that – or at least after that -- I would encourage you to invite these people into our circle of revolution. Now obviously, this is a probationary offer. And the offer is not open to anyone who spent January 6th 2021 actually January6th-ing. (Except for that one lady who decided to not take Trump’s pardon.) We will need some of these people to see the light if we are going to fight to keep the lights on in this country. So if you see some of the amazing clips going around featuring MAGA-Americans yelling at their political leaders and you are tempted to jump in the comments to crack off a few good ones, maybe let the first one fly, and then invite them to our side. It will take patience and a Zen-like approach. But believe me, for the few Trumpers that do admit their delusion and allow their fever to break, it will be worth the effort.
Who’s with me?
You’re With Me
New Orleans, I’m headed your way!
Next week on Thursday, March 27th I’m performing stand-up at the Joy Theater in New Orleans.
Merch Alert
My New Book is Out!
WHO IS GOVERNMENT?: The Untold Story of Public Service is out! Get it at your local independent bookstore or wherever you get your books. If you are buying online, allow me to recommend Bookshop.org. A portion of the proceeds support independent bookstores. You can even pick your favorite one!
This book is a series of profiles featuring the regular people working in our federal government who are doing the everyday, thankless work of making America great for the first time. As Trump and Elon loot the government, it is an especially important and relevant project now. But don’t just take my word for it.
“Deep state, shmeep state: a spirited rebuttal to the canard that federal civil servants are nest-featherers up to no good.” - Kirkus Reviews
“The overall effect of the series is to transform civil servants from faceless bureaucrats into selfless superheroes.” - The Guardian US
“If we’re giving up on our social safety net, if we’re giving up on government as a way to hold this country together, then is it a country?” - W. Kamau Bell 😁
I'd be with you on talking to Trumpers, except none of them are speaking to me anymore.
Outstanding WKB!!!!